The trouble with dining out for me these days boils down to a simple cost-benefit analysis. I simply rarely feel as if i'm getting what i'm paying for when I hit up some joint in the city looking for a meal.
I cook well, as does my partner, and I can manage to recreate most things that I taste and enjoy. It's a fun and useful talent I have that has allowed me to make changes to meals that I have tried that I think can be a little better if it only had x. Add to that my history in the restaurant industry and my default setting of highly critical (of myself as much as anything else), and we have a set of expectations that might be considered difficult to reach at best. Not impossible, however.
I'm fairly adept at placing my bar at what I consider an appropriate level for the establishment i'm going to. I expect what I think that particular establishment should expect of itself. Hence, if I walk into Longhorn, I hope for good food, properly done steaks and casual, yet competent, service. If I hop over to Pho Pasteur for a bowl of Pho, I expect to be served efficiently and get a good, cheap bowl of grub. If I find myself crossing the Charles and hitting up Craigie On Main, i'd better be blown away by the ambiance, service should be impeccable and the food needs to be off the charts amazing. My sliding scale is, I think, fair and i'm generous enough to cut some slack when some aspect of the experience is close enough. Hell, I started my restaurant career busing tables at Chi-Chi's, the IHOP of Mexican cuisine; I know better than to expect more out of a place than it should, or could, be attempting to deliver.
I've also had the amazingly good fortune to have dined in some of the world's best dining cities; small sidewalk cafés in Paris, home cooking in Soave, the best Pasta E Fagioli that I have ever encountered in Verona, regional specialties in Charleston, Craft in New York (as well as Magnolia Restaurant and other places that were wonderful and I think of fondly), the amazing local fruits and vegetables (and wine) of the Willamette (say it like one would say dammit) Valley, Lilette and many other fabulous New Orleans restaurants (not to mention the dives that I hit up when i'm down there. Man, I love me some New Orleans) as well as plenty of places in Atlanta, my hometown.
So, what do I expect in a restaurant that is among the non-negotiable? I should start with a clean place that is at least thoughtfully decorated. It doesn't have to be the eatery equivalent of the Taj or the Ritz, unless it is the Taj or the Ritz, but it should at least not be tossed together like some sort of Pollock painting. As nice as a Pollock looks on a wall, it's a confined space that contains the art. If a Pollock were to take up 1200 square feet, it might not seem as interesting. Abstract Expressionism is not, imho, the best means of showcasing one's artistic vision in a restaurant. What is is more along the lines of something that fits the theme of the restaurant. Lighting is also a part of this. Nice lighting can make a fairly drab or unattractive place during high light conditions appear beautiful. Conversely, bad lighting can make a great place look like, well, for want of a more pithy comment, Hell.
Fitting music that isn't too obtrusive is also key. When I wander in to a place, the last thing I want is to be assailed by the musical choices of the owners and/or managers. Yes, I know that everyone really likes to play "Thievery Corporation" and "Lebanese Blonde" is still the de-facto theme song of any place that fancies itself top shelf, but that doesn't mean that it has to be played at a volume level that would be more fitting in a disco. As well, CHR is always a bad choice. If I wanted to listen to KISS FM, rest assured the last place I would go to do so is somewhere i'm going to pony up a good deal of cash for some food and alcohol. Music is one of those things that I can't help but pay attention to and it really can impact my enjoyment of a meal.
Greeting at the door, or how i'm treated on the phone when (and if) I call up to talk to someone can be crucial for me. If I feel at all like i'm being judged or there is too much attitude, I will (and have) leave. I don't pretend to be someone i'm not when I dine out. I don't have much in the way of nice clothing, although I do suppose I should get myself into a suit or at least a fairly dressy pair of pants just in case, but the clothing that I do have is of good quality and not at all cheap (I get almost all of my clothing from either Jean Therapy or Therapy, I do have a lot of tee's from Threadless, however.) or shoddy. I am fond of jeans and Nikes, that's who I am. If we still lived in a world where people did really get dressed up to go to a dinner that could run upwards of 100$, I might understand the 'tude, but we don't. There are almost no restaurants that continue to have a real dress code. Dress codes are now almost soley used by nightclubs to keep people out. (Mainly non-white people, but that's a different story and this isn't the blog to address that) So, when I walk in somewhere with my Denim of Virtues and Ted Baker shirt on, I do not expect to be considered anything less than the guest that I intend to be. Besides, these people don't know me, they have no idea of my history in the industry, the fact that I was invited to, and went, Pinot Camp; staying as a guest in the Archery Summit guest house, that I know all sorts of people in this city, including the owners of Brix, the owner of Eastern Standard and many wine reps in the area. I get around, I know people, I am not to be pigeonholed into the "lesbian bad tipper" or "female, dressed down, not going to eat or drink" groups. When I go out to eat, I go out to eat. Drop the 'tude and give me a seat. Speaking Writing of seating, don't ever put me in the middle of an empty dining room thinking that i'll be okay with it. I won't. It's rude and shows that the offending establishment has no concern or care for the guests it serves.
To the interior. The seating should be clean as should the table. I have been seated at a table before that wasn't cleaned well and had shmeg on the seats. This might be okay on the T, but wipe the seats and clean the damned table if you expect me to spend money and trust that your food won't be prepared with the same lack of attention to detail.
Service should be efficient and thoughtful. Don't make me sit waiting for you to get to me. Whoever gets the chance to serve me should really care about what they are doing and know about what they serve. I never went into work when I was a server/bartender/manager not caring about the people I was going to be helping out. It's inconsiderate and unprofessional. If I ask a question, either know the correct answer or be honest, tell me you don't and find out. Conversely, don't think that I don't know about the food or wine on your menu. I went out to Oleana once for a very important meal and the server was condescending, assuming I didn't know what something was simply because I asked a question about something else. And yes, when i'm not spending my money, I will peruse the wine list and make a choice based on my wine knowledge that is not the most expensive thing on the menu. Don't make presumptive decisions about who I am because I ordered the 40$ bottle that I already know is the best deal on the menu, being tasty and not too pricey. I'll pony up the cash for a great bottle of something when the money being spent is mine or I have been addressed beforehand by the person paying that I should get something nice. I care about other people's money. And I appreciate it when they are being kind enough to buy me a meal.
The food needs to be served at the correct temperature and as presented on the menu. If there is a change due to some item being 86'd, tell me before the food hits the table. Pay attention to what I request. If I ask not to have something, there is a reason. I don't use the "i'm allergic" line because I know how dangerous allergies are and wouldn't presume to cheapen anyone's allergies. I do, however, expect that if I ask for a change, it be addressed. I personally don't believe in the "Chef has a vision" line. It's no the chef who's eating the food i'm paying for, it's me. If the chef doesn't like it, tough. Unless something is prepared in advance and a change can't be made, make it. This goes for substitutions, as well. I once went to Ashmont Grill and they actually had the hubris to tell me that the kitchen didn't make substitutions, meaning that I would have to settle for hash browns instead of the french fries that I really wanted. Yes, I wasn't allowed to sub one type of potato for another.
Finally, don't force me to wait for my check when i'm ready to go. When i'm ready to leave, i'm ready to leave. Besides, turning that table means more money in the server's pocket.
End of tirade.
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