Hedonism

Valentine's Day- A Little Insider Information

I have to work on V-Day. Odds are, if the current schedule holds, i'll be the closer. That means that I will be at the restaurant from 5 until midnight, at the earliest.

I don't mind Valentine's Day. I mean, not really. But in this industry, it can be a trying time. And sometimes downright awkward and uncomfortable. It's neophyte night.

These kids come in without a clue as to how much this meal will cost them and sit, silently, while they wait for the next course on the prix fixe menu to come to them. They drink water or a glass of house white, wondering why there isn't any white zin on the menu and share what little conversation they can muster up. At the end of the meal, which generally, due to the banquet-like service of the night, tends to be around one to one-and-a-half hours, they get up and go home. That's it. There isn't any sense of romance or deep affection in restaurants on Valentine's Day. It's an efficient money-making venture on the part of the industry.

It makes me sad. I wish that I could make a difference on this night for these couples who rarely get to have a romantic night. Truth be told, though, the failings of Valentine's dining out isn't about the people who come in, it's about the failings of the industry as a whole.

We view you as novices. We take advantage of your cultural mandate to DO SOMETHING to rip what little romance there might be for you out of the equation. We do the prix fixe thing so that you choose that option and we can move you in and out like cattle. Then, when all is said and done, we bitch about the crappy tips and loss of professional diners on this night. The time that we spend serving you is time that we could have spent doing something else. It's banquet service at a premium. And you lose. Every time. Who wins? The restaurant. They make large amounts of money by running set-course menus that utilize items that either don't cost that much or are about to go over anyway so that they can maximize profits on what seems like a fair deal to the diner. It's a shitty practice and it's one of the main reasons I feel ashamed working on this night.

Although this isn't always the way restaurants run the business, it is the rule, rather than the exception. When and if I open my own place, this won't be the way I run my business. I might do a set-course menu, but it won't be that cheap and the diners will get their money's worth.

A real romantic dining experience would feel more like an intimate conversation for two over an exemplary meal. If that's what you want, hire a personal chef to create something special for you and the one you are with. If you want to go out, do your homework. A chocolate truffle at the end of the meal is meaningless. What matters is how you are perceived by the people who serve you.

I promise to serve you well.

Christmas Eve

People go out for dinner on Christmas Eve. For some, it's a tradition, for others, a way to keep out of the kitchen for a few more hours and a few just happen to not celebrate this holiday. They choose a place to go, have a meal and then go wherever is next. Usually not many places as it is Christmas Eve and most places close early, if they are open at all.

The funny thing is, these people tend to not see the others out there who are working so that they might have this evening out with friends and family. It is sad to be working on this night when one is trained to be with family and friends and be treated poorly. You fucks, it's OUR CHRISTMAS EVE, as well. WE are there so that you might eat, drink and be merry. Nothing is worse than working on Christmas Eve and having a table of rude, ignorant, cheap or just plain old mean people. I had a table of three on this Eve and they came in unhappy. None of them smiled at me, they spent as little money as possible and never once actually engaged me as a server. They drank tap water and nothing else, so I spent a large amount of time running up and down stairs to keep up with their water consumption. As well, I was the closer and all the other servers were in a hurry to leave (it was a holiday, after all) and I was left waiting on all the last tables (a party of 4 downstairs, a party of 4 and a party of 2 at the Sushi Bar and that party of 3 in the Tea Room) on a night that should have been a celebration. They asked me for one more maki, so I ordered it and went back to my business. I didn't notice how long the thing took for several reasons; the first one being I sorta' didn't like them and therefore kinda' didn't care, sometimes, the chefs take a little time making the food (esp. if it's around closing time and all but one of them are trying to close up shop. At this point, usually only one chef is actually making anything), the runner would have noticed the delay and done something about it. Regardless, this one maki took a while to make. They asked me about it, and I got it delivered. Then, they make the neophyte error of asking me, the server, why it took so long. At this point, I was, perhaps, a little out of line, but it was 10 minutes until closing and I was really not having it with these rookies. I told them that since I wasn't the sushi chef, I had no idea why it took so long, but I could find out for them. They took this as an insult and asked to speak to the manager. I took the owner to them. He agreed that the dish took to long (as did I, but that's beside the point; they wanted to know why and I couldn't tell them) and took it off the tab. They paid the bill and left. I got a 10% tip. I was expecting nothing, esp since they did manage to spend less than most parties spend per person for all three. Cheap people, meager tips. People with Black metal AMEX's, same thing. (Rule of thumb, we tend to cringe when we see these cards come out of people's walets. People with that kind of money usually got it by not spending it or inheriting it.)

The bottom line is this; if you don't want to have a good time on a holiday eve or night, DO NOT GO OUT! Stay the hell home and keep your misery to yourself. Those of us who give up our holidays to give people an option other than watching "Rudolph" for the nooneknowshowmanyth time deserve better from our guests. We come in, set up, serve you and care. At the very least, take the Scrooge mentality and put it in the glove compartment as long as you are in our establishment. Odds are, we aren't happy being there, either, but we'll never let you see it.

Besides, it's our job. We're professionals.

How To Treat A Server, Part 2

Water service, the initial greet, is over and the next step of service is about the menu. What is Foie Gras, exactly? What is the best item on the menu? How much is the special? All of these are questions that servers are asked every single night and have to answer without sounding condescending. We do it well, most of the time. We are professionals in our field. In the same way that a Financial Adviser is in theirs. It's our job to have the answers. If we don't have them, it's our job to find out.

This is something that is important to remember when interacting with a server. Most servers are seasoned professionals who have spent a large amount of time learning cooking terms, techniques, ingredients, flavor profiles as well as the best ways to inform a guest of these without alienating them. Think about this for a moment. All a chef has to do is make the food the way they have been trained to. They are in the relative safety of the kitchen and don't have to worry about table 21 not understanding what Cassoulet means. They already know. Or, at least, they had better. Same goes for any person who is in most professions. The difference lies in the fact that a server has to explain these things to the uninitiated without making the inquest sound like a dumb question. Try explaining a component of your job to a stranger with the same parameters. It's not as easy as it sounds. Most people don't understand the amount of skill it takes to do this. But servers do this on a nightly basis. A server's knowledge base is astounding. As is this person's people skills. Don't ever be scared to ask a question if uncertain about something on the menu. Better one orders what one wants than orders something that ends up being not what expected.

Simultaneously, be aware that however menial one might think a job as a server is; many people turn to serving when trying to break into something like art or acting; it's not without a skill set that would make most people change career paths. It's a job for a very select few. It's a job for people who have faith that more often than not, showing up for work and doing the job well will translate into good tips and good will.

So, what happens when the server takes the order and one is waiting for the food? Easy, table maintenance.

Table maintenance is, again, not as easy as it sounds. It may seem simple, keep the tables watered and monitor them in the event something needs to be addressed. However, unlike regular life, a server can't utilize a palm pilot or other means to remind them of what each table needs. A server has to remember. That's it. Memorization and multi-tasking without a net. If a professional in another profession were asked to maintain, even if for a few hours, all the needs of, say, 15 people, they might break. Servers aren't allowed to. They have to keep tabs on all the tables, the people at them and their individual needs. One table has two people drinking sparkling water, one person drinking tap and one person drinking still. Alcoholic beverages, who gets what and how. All these things are part of the job. And most servers do this with seeming ease. It's not easy.

The food arrives. Something isn't right. Who is to blame? The server? The kitchen? The POS?

Certainly, a server will make a mistake. There really isn't a good reason nor is there an excuse. Servers mess up because they aren't able to manage all the demands on their time. Servers are, in many ways, like a computer. They have the hard drive, that internal memory that keeps constant information that is always required. Then, they have the RAM, the temporary memory that allows them to remember, short-term, who is getting what, when, and why. Servers will make errors, it's part of the human condition. The difference is, when a server errs, people tend to not forgive. However, when a server does err, the best course of action is to admit to it.

Sometimes, a server isn't to blame. There are so many things that can go wrong during a dinner it's almost astounding that anyone would dine out. Think about having a dinner party with a few friends and all the things that one has to worry about. The food all coming out at the right time. The special dietary restrictions being met. The list goes on and on. Sometimes, it's the kitchen. And the server always knows the truth. But, in the lingo that we use in the industry, we don't like to throw anyone under the bus. We are a team, we are all to blame. But, a server DOES NOT cook food. A server gets to do all the dirty work of relating to a table and worrying about that table's needs.

Finally, food. Next step, the check-back and move toward dessert. 

Cheating

Most people use credit or debit cards these days for just about everything. Most of the time, this isn't an issue. People pay for what they want, sign a slip and all is well with the world.

What happens in restaurants is that sometimes, people cheat the system. They pay with a credit card and take the copy of the voucher that is signed or has the tip on it. Or, they take all the copies of the voucher. Often, this is an honest mistake. However, sometimes people use this as an excuse to not leave a tip or sometimes even challenge the charge. It's an easy way to not pay for something. Even when it's an honest mistake, rarely does a guest call back and ask that the server get some sort of gratuity. That same person will call back in a heartbeat if they have a double charge, though. It's sad and sick, really, that people would feel justified not tipping a server. When a server doesn't get tipped, they don't get paid for the time that they spent taking care of your needs. It's quid pro quo. You get good service and you pay for it. Just as most people wouldn't walk into a Stop and Shop, fill a cart with groceries and walk out without paying for it, people shouldn't think that it's fine to steal service. It is theft, and what's worse, anyone the server tips out is a victim of this, as well. The only winner is the restaurant, which still gets their money. But the people that they don't pay well get hurt.

Shame on you if you've ever done this and not made up for it later.

Rachael Ray Is A Bad Person

To pay attention to when deciding how to spend your dining dollar. Okay, maybe not so much how, but where. In her Food Network show, 40$ A Day, she encourages people on a budget to spend that small amount going out. And, in the process, she also creates a reason to not tip the service staff.

This woman is crazy. I don't know where she thinks service industry professionals come up with the money to pay bills and buy food. If she keeps this eating on the cheap concept up, she only gives people valid reason to not take care of the servers who take care of them. It frustrates me to know that when people watch this show, they feel that having a limited amount of funds to spend gives them license to take it out of the tip.

Sure, people should go out, have a nice dinner at a reasonable price and have fun. However, a ten-percent tip is unacceptable. It was unacceptable ten years ago. And, with the cost of living increasing faster than the median wage, this practice translates to a slap in the face of the people who count on the tips they get to feed their families and keep their homes. If your employer said to you that they are on a budget and are therefore going to cut your wages to stay within costs so that they can go out to dinner more often, what would your response be? A soft acceptance followed by a comment to the effect that "I believe you have my stapler"? Of course not. People create unions and go on strike when shit like this happens.

If all you have is 40$ a day to feed yourself, go to the farm, buy a chicken, snap it's neck and watch Rachael Ray show you how to cook it yourself on 30 Minute Meals. Just stay the hell out of real restaurants and leave the dining out to the professionals. Just don't forget to dip the bird in hot water to make sure you get those difficult pin feathers off of it. I'm pretty sure Rachael doesn't know about that.

How To Treat A Server, Part 1

There is a saying that people attribute to the Bible. It's interesting in that it has become what we like to call a, if not the, Golden Rule. It exists, in some incarnation, in all the major world religions. It encompasses the bottom line of all things. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

This might sound trite, given the current moral ambiguity that we are all finding thrust into our faces every time we turn on the news or read the paper. However, there is a truth in this that finds itself manifest whenever we choose to not give up the seat to an elderly person on the bus or whenever we fail to step aside on an elevator to lose the fast track to the third floor to a woman with a stroller.

It also plays out, on another level, every time a person steps into a restaurant. This begins when the guest comes in for the reservation. Although we have a tacit understanding with the restaurant when we come to one for a meal that our table will be ready, there is always the chance that some issue or another will come into play and create a wait for a table. Consider rush-hour traffic... All those cars moving along at the same speed, suddenly everyone has to hit the brakes. Thirty minutes later, everyone is again cruising along at the speed limit. This happens all the time and no one thinks twice about it. It is considered a cost of owning a car and choosing to drive instead of using public transportation. In a restaurant; the weather, the amount of time it has been since parties have seen each other, the chance that they have children and only get out once a month, amount of alcohol consumed and many other variables come into play and change what is accepted standards of timing tables. Usually, a party of 2-4 will stay for approximately 1 1/2 hours. At most, 2. This is how we plan our reservations. People don't know this and get angry when some monkey wrench is thrown into the gears and they have to wait. Go to the gas station for an inspection and wait longer than planned and it's okay. Walk into a restaurant and not get seated immediately and it's cause for demanding free food and drinks. When a restaurant cannot seat a reservation on time, it generally has nothing to do with the establishment's failure to plan effectively. It generally has something to do with the guests who are currently dining. If one has to wait to be seated and chooses to, please don't take it out on the server. The server is the very last Front-of-House (FOH) person who should be blamed.

After being seated, any good restaurant will expect a server to greet the table in a timely manner. Usually, this is right around 45 seconds. I used to use this trick to show my servers how perception comes in to play when greeting guests. I would make them close their eyes, raise a hand and wait until I told them to put their hands down and open their eyes. Then, I would ask them to tell me how long they had their hands up. Most of them put the time at about a minute. In reality, it was only about 20 seconds. But it showed them how it feels to be in an unfamiliar situation waiting for something to happen. That's how guests feel when not greeted quickly. I make it a point to greet my guests as soon as I can. The problem is, and it's growing, that the guests are too busy talking to notice a server standing waiting to get a drink order. The first contact a server makes with a table tends to be the most important. It sets the tone for the entire event. A guest has an obligation to interact with the server, as well. If a party of four is too busy to look up and tell the server what kind of water they would like, the server has two options; either interrupt the conversation and become the "inconsiderate waiter", or walk away and become the "ghost server". Neither option is particularly good for the server. If the server walks away to attend to the needs of other tables and the ungreeted table experiences a lull in conversation that allows them to look up for the first time in three minutes and notice there is no server around to fill the first need of liquid, the server becomes the bad guy. The truth is, it's the guests who are the inconsiderate ones. A server does not usually only have the one table to maintain. A server is assigned a section and all of those guests are part of that server's responsibility. A server is the master of multi-tasking and as such, has to be cognizant of the many needs of his or her guests. One person at one table has a severe allergy to shellfish, someone else at another table can't tolerate mayonnaise, yet another person wants to make absolutely certain that the coffee is, indeed, decaf. These are some of the things that servers have to deal with. It's fine, they do, it's part of the job. And the allergies of people are of utmost concern. A server deals with the knowledge that one mistake and someone could die in these instances. Because of this, servers are always moving from table to kitchen to bar back to table to make sure that the shellfish allergy got the right food and the chef is completely aware of this allergy, that the mayonnaise-hating guy doesn't get the aioli with his calamari, that the decaf coffee woman is assured that she will not have to call the server at 4am because the coffee wasn't decaf and that the rest of the diners have exactly what they ordered, they way they ordered it. Back to the water situation. A server needs to get the water taken care of so that the dining can begin. When a server makes the initial greet, this is a great time to stop for a moment, take advantage of the situation and order a beverage. The conversation will not die because a temporary hold was put on it and there will be something on the table to keep the palate refreshed. There is plenty of time for conversation during the rest of the meal. At least another hour and a half. Maybe even two.

Next stop, food service.

European Diners

European diners have it great in America right now. Anyone who can afford to come over here is in a position to really take advantage of the weak dollar. They can buy designer fashions, take trips to Disneyland and Six Flags and eat at all the great restaurants that they can stomach.

And that brings me to the next subject. Tipping. A primer for those who don't know:

Servers are not the only people in a restaurant who get tipped. Where I work, I give 27% of all the money I make to the Sushi Chefs, Bussers, Runners and Bartenders. In most other restaurants, the tip-out proceedure is similar. Sure, other restaurants might not tip the cooks, but the idea is the same. Servers do not walk out with all the tips that they earned. Industry standard is 15% for good service, 20% and higher for excellent service. There have been times when I have been given over 100% of the bill as a tip. It doesn't happen often, but it has occured.

Servers only make $2.67/hr, so they depend on tips for income. All of the money that they make in a paycheck only goes to the tax-burden. At the end of the year, most servers end up owing money to the government. Something that they have to consider when making monetary decisions.

In all, being a server is a under-appreciated gig. The hours are odd and often late, the specific knowledge base requires one to be more-informed than any guest, they have to deal with critics, bad management and owners as well as mean or rude guests. And servers still have to be nice and respectful in the face of all of this.

This brings me to the issue of European visitors. Used to be, back in the 80's, one didn't expect more than a 10% tip from these foreign guests. In European countries, the service industry is a career and the servers get paid decent wages to start as well as all the other benefits that professionals get, like health care and vacations. Here, it isn't the case. But back then, no one assumed that the Euros were informed enough to know that wasn't the case here in America. However, all of that has changed. People know now that tipping is part of the culture of this industry. On airplanes, foreign travelers get little fact sheets that include information on tipping when dining out. The problem is that these people purposely ignore that information and play the "i'm not from your country, I don't know any better" card to essentially steal service.

There is nothing one can do to call this insult out, as much as those of us who are in the industry would like to.

So, last night, I created a game. I had a table of 4 eating in the restaurant and I knew, since they were Euros (they are most likely still Euros), that I would not get even a 15% tip. Instead of getting upset, I got creative. I challenged other servers to guess what percent they would leave as the tip. I guessed 12.5%. Another server guessed 10% and another guessed 15%. At the end of the meal, after I took the voucher back, there was a $40.00 tip. I did that math, and it was exactly 12.5%. Victory was mine! Sure, after tip-out, it was only $29.00, but it was still money that I didn't have when I came in and I had the satisfaction of being able to peg the tip.

Doesn't mean that I like the fact that Euros call Americans aggressive and arrogant while coming here and giving the people who are serving them valid reason to think the same of them. Quid pro quo, y European brothers. Next time, don't use the accent as an excuse to not attend to the etiquette of the country you are visiting. Want me to pay attention to your customs when I visit your country? Pay attention to mine.