Christ, what in the hell is happening in the world of advertising these days?
I was listening to the radio the other day and heard an ad for Dasani Water, a brand of the infamous Coca-Cola company. In this ad, there is some freak of a bear telling me how much better this water is than any other water on the planet. It's better than stream water, spring water, even waterfall water. Then, this "sounds like a fat ex-frat guy on a bender" bear moves on to give me the valuable information regarding the fabulous flavors that Dasani comes in, including (this is pretty much a direct quote) "even water-flavored water."
WTF!!?? That line almost caused my head to explode and me to drive into a group of small kids with balloons on a field trip to the Franklin Park Zoo.
Maybe I think too much, but this statement raised several questions for me.
1- What does water actually taste like?
2- Is there a means by which one can create a chemical compound that actually reproduces this taste?
3- Why is it necessary to flavor water to taste like water?
4- If it is required that the water's original taste be changed, why would I want to drink that water?
5- Why do they pressurize the bottle so that it makes that fizz sound like it's a soda? It's a bottle of water, water doesn't fizz.
And no, I don't need a frat bear to tell me that I need to stay hydrated. That incredible need for liquid that can only be sated by imbibing a naturally occurring chemical compound is enough for me.
Speaking of, I have a bottle of electrolyte-enhanced Smartwater waiting for me.